On October 1 of 2020, I began an exercise of standing on the street corner in the morning holding a sign that reads “Good Morning” and other phrases like “Today is a good day to be happy.” I smile, I wave, I even dance a little (very little).
My premise was simple, go out every morning for the month and just try to make people smile and give them a good start to their day. Most mornings, I’m out before the sun comes up to see people off to start their workday. (And my wife needs to go to work at 7:15a and I need to take care of our toddler before school.)
Two weeks in, and people smile, wave, honk their horns. I’ve gotten thumbs up, and some frantic excited waving. I’ve even had someone offer to buy me coffee.
“I pass by you every morning on that corner. Thank you for what you’re doing. Puts a smile on my face every time – Brandy”
Over the course of the time I’m out there each day, at some point, my mind starts to wander to what people are thinking when they see me. Am I just some nut? Did I make their day? Why is that woman waving so excitedly?
“Thanks for this wonderful reminder to be good human beings to one another!!!”
Those are just two quotes from people. But anyone who knows me well, could probably tell you I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, poor self esteem, and really poor self-confidence. A few years ago to do something like standing on the street with a sign would have sent me into a full blown panic attack or I would have been drunk out doing it. I would have been terrified of people’s opinions about what I was doing.
Today is a different story. I’ve sought out help for my anxiety and other mental health issues and that is making a difference. The same situations that would have put me into a shame spiral for weeks, are something I look forward to each day. There is something empowering about not caring about other people’s opinions or feelings.
I’m not saying you should never care about other people’s opinions and feelings, because there are certainly times (like with your spouse or boss) when you darn well better care.
What I am saying, is you can’t tie your self-worth to the opinions of others. The only person you have to live with is you so you’re really the only person that matters. Unless you have multiple personality disorder, then it all goes out the window.
I’m not going to sit here and spout all sorts of psychobabble or quoting research or cite obscure studies to make my point. Instead, I’m going to tell you what I’ve lived through.
Th majority of people are going to come in to and leave your life quicker than you can drink a cup of coffee and you will most often have cursory interactions. And no matter what you do or say, someone somewhere is going to get upset or they are going to sing your praises. Most often, people aren’t judging you the way you think they are.
I’ve lost too many years worrying about the opinions of others with a sense of shame that lived just in my mind. Much as Zeno did while he was carrying soup in the square in Ancient Greece. (Read about it here. Scroll down to Put In The Work—Progress Will Follow)
Should you concern yourself with what other people think of you? Most of the time the answer is no. You should keep yourself open to the opinions of your friends and family. They usually have a more objective picture of you than you do. But at the end of the day, you are the only one whose opinion matters about you.
Well, I’m at the part of the article where I want to know what you think because the only way I’m going to get better is to be critiqued. In this case, it’s important to get the thoughts and opinions of strangers. So please take a moment to comment.