I never realized how much worrying can steal your joy.
My wife and I have a newborn baby, and we love him a ridiculous amount. He is 6 weeks old so he doesn’t do much but make funny cooing sounds, eat, sleep, and make clean diapers dirty. Thankfully, this kid has a great temperament, so he doesn’t even cry much.
My wife and I enjoy spending our time with him. Sometimes, just watching him sleep.
I’ve been on the look out for postpartum depression because I know it can strike. Liz has not been showing any major signs of it until the past few days. I could tell by the look on her face something was wrong, so I asked how she was feeling.
I was expecting her to say she felt tired and sad, and to not know why. It has happened like that in the past.
To my surprise, her answer was to tell me she’s worried about going back to work and leaving the baby. I think that’s natural and something most mother’s encounter. I’m not really worried about her going back because of where we both work.
Our Community Center is the most family oriented place we can be. Our baby is literally going to be down the hall one way for my wife, and down the hall the other way for me. The women who will be taking care of our son worked with my wife and I have no reservations about sending him to school.
Still my wife is worried about sending him to school and her going back to her classroom.
As we are approaching a date when she will need to go back to work, I can see this stress growing on her. Three weeks ago, she was living life to the fullest with our son. Reading, singing, tummy time, and out for walks were regular occurrences, She was so happy – her smile didn’t stop.
I could see her suffering today, which is why I asked her. My wife knows she is going back to work because we need her income just like so many others families in NJ. But she doesn’t know when she is going back.
She could be living it up with our son, but instead, she has allowed worry and fear to get a foothold in her brain, and they are stealing her joy.
How many times have you lost the joy of the moment because of forces outside of your control?
You can’t control the future. Other people. The weather. Social Media algorithms designed to make you feel bad. Why are you going to allow things outside of your control to steal your joy? Of course that’s easier said than done.
In the hustle of the day to day, it’s easy to allow external factors to dictate our feelings. I have been struggling with these issues for quite some time and through a combination of different ways, I’ve been able to overcome.
First and foremost, about a year ago, I discovered gratitude journaling. My method is simple; at the end of each day, I reflect on the events of the day, how I responded to them and I pick 3 things that I am most grateful for on that day, and I write them down.
Why this works for me: It allows me to take stock of the day and make a conscious choice to be happy about things that happened during the day.
Second, at the beginning of the day, I remind myself that I have control of my actions and reactions. I have a choice to be miserable or to be happy.
Why this works for me: By reminding myself each morning, I have found myself being more aware of my emotional responses throughout the day.
Third, Therapy. At points in our lives, we all need help. And there is no shame in asking for it. And no shame taking medication to help.
Bottom line, don’t let external factors steal your joy and happiness. We all go through this life one time (unless you believe in reincarnation) and time flies. Children certainly don’t stay young so remember to enjoy it while it lasts.
