Question of the Day
Every day I sit down to write, I try to weave together my Thought of the Day and Question of the Day in a way that feels both honest and useful. Today’s reflections are all about kindness, how we offer it to others and how we (sometimes struggle to) give it to ourselves. The Thought and Question for today push us to look at kindness in two directions, and, if we’re honest, one is a lot harder than the other.
Thought of the Day: Being kind to others is mostly about your actions. Being kind to yourself is mostly about your thoughts.
When I think about kindness to others, it usually comes down to what I do. Holding the door, letting someone merge in traffic even when they’re driving like a maniac, texting a friend just to say “thinking of you.” Action makes kindness visible. It doesn’t even have to be a grand gesture, it just has to be something someone else can feel.
Kindness to myself, though, that’s a different story. It’s not about what I do so much as what I say, to me. It’s the thoughts I allow (or don’t allow) to take up space in my head. I can make coffee, fold laundry, and cross 14 things off my to-do list, but if I spend the rest of the day telling myself I should’ve done 15, I’m not exactly being kind to myself.
It’s funny how easily we flip the script. To others, we’ll say things like, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” To ourselves? We think things like, “Well, you messed that up again.” I’ve stepped in cat vomit first thing in the morning, and while I managed to laugh about it when retelling the story, in the moment I was cursing myself for not noticing. That little difference, what I thought in private versus what I’d never say to someone else, is exactly the gap I’m talking about.
And maybe that’s the challenge for all of us: to stop giving ourselves the kind of mental commentary we’d never, ever unleash on a friend.
Question of the Day: What’s the kindest thing you, in particular, can do for someone?
The phrasing here matters. Not just “What’s the kindest thing someone can do?” but “you, in particular.” Because kindness isn’t one-size-fits-all.
For me, the kindest thing I can do is listen. Really listen. I’m not talking about the polite nodding while you’re actually crafting your response in your head, I mean the kind where you put your phone down, make eye contact, and let the other person unload whatever they need. When I give someone that kind of space, it often feels like I’ve handed them oxygen.
But your kindness might look totally different. Maybe you’re the person who shows up with soup when a neighbor’s sick. Maybe you’re the one who can lighten a room with a joke. Maybe your kindness is fixing a leaky sink before it becomes a waterfall.
The point is, your kindness has a fingerprint. It’s unique to who you are and how you move through the world. And the sooner you recognize that, the sooner you can use it more often.
So I’ll turn it back to you: what’s your particular kindness?
Bringing It Together
Kindness outward is about what we do. Kindness inward is about what we think. Together, they form a kind of loop, how I treat myself inevitably spills into how I treat others. And maybe that’s the secret we don’t talk about enough: that the voice in my head becomes the voice I use out loud.
So if I want my kids to grow up with kindness baked in, I have to show them both kinds. Actions toward others. Thoughts toward myself. They’re watching both, even when I think they aren’t. Especially then.
Join the conversation.
What’s the kindest thing you, in particular, can do for someone? Leave your answer in the comments below—I’d love to hear it. And if you enjoy reflecting on the Thought of the Day and Question of the Day, join my daily email list so you can start each morning with something worth thinking about.
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