It’s fitting that this question comes to me today. It was a very emotional day.
- Gratitude
- Saddness
- Love
Today began as it has for weeks now, Dak our cat, woke me by jumping on the bad and bopping me on the nose, prayer, coffee, and some news. The rest of the morning was downhill.
Just as we were leaving for work, my wife became ill. Nothing new, just par for the course with her pregnancy. We arrived at work just in time for her not to be late and me to sit and get something done before heading off for my morning bus route.
The kids on the bus were a challenge this morning, the worst they have been all summer. Everyone wanted to switch seats, no one wanted to buckle, and there was even a crying fit.
I got back after the run and I double checked to make sure something I had done the night previous had been fixed. And that’s when I realized I had created a cascade of other events to occur because I had not paid enough attention some weeks earlier. I was angry, frustrated, embarrassed, and concerned. What was I going to do now?
Not only had my carelessness blown me up today, it has derailed other plans for my wife and I. But that’s not a bad thing.
When I look back with a grateful heart, I know this if for the best. We were pushing ahead before we were ready – I knew it but I hadn’t wanted to admit it earlier. So now we get to work doing things the way we should have from the beginning.
Grateful for today’s experience, yes, but still sad and disappointed over it. This is not what I wanted. I also didn’t want to stress out my wife (she’s baking a baby). Sad, and embarrassed, and disappointed in myself because it probably could have been avoided had I done what I’ve been meaning to do for weeks. Also, because my wife had to ask her mother to help me.
I know it is all for the best. I had have not yet learned what I need to learn in order for us to move forward. And I know that things transpired not because I was stupid. But rather because I am loved. God was telling me (us) that we are not ready to move forward, as much as we want things to change. God was protecting me today and so was my wife when she called her mother.
My take-aways from today:
- Keep living life with a gracious heart.
- Days like today can break people who care. Focus on what you can control and just do what you need to do. At some point we all run out of tomorrows to fix it.
- Just because you want something or need something, it’s not going to come to you until you are fully ready.